Decoding Ser and Estar: Not your "Permanent vs. Temporary" Guide

[Also see other topics that can be challenging for English-speaking learners, here]

In Spanish, we use two important and common verbs, ser and estar, to talk about different aspects of things and people. These verbs usually have one translation into English (to be) and other languages. Let's break it down: 

ESTAR is used for incidental, so usually temporary, conditions - it is like a snapshot of a situation. It comes from Latin stare, which means to stand and is linked to English status, stance, standing, and state. If you know French, you may be surprised to know English stay likely comes from Old French ester (ester>estre>e(s)tre>être). It describes the condition or state in which something or someone happens to be in. 

SER, on the other hand, is used for essential qualities (not always permanent) and class membership. It expresses  fundamental characteristics and entity/identity of what something or someone really is. Very important: such identity & classification or essence is not always permanent, as in being a student or having a certain job title (soy estudiante, soy ingeniera), which change all the time, especially nowadays.

• ¿Cómo estás? - How are you (doing)? 
• Possible answers: Estoy muy bien./Estoy preocupada./Estoy contento./Estamos listos./Están un poco deprimidos.
• ¿Cómo eres? - What (how) are you like?
• Possible answers: Soy muy nervioso./Soy preocupona./Soy feliz./Somos listos./Soy un poco depresivo.
• ¿A qué te dedicas? - What do you do?
• Possible answer: Soy arquitecto, pero ahorita estoy de taxista. (I'm an architect, but am currently working as a taxi driver).

Gray areas for ser/estar

Ser with events: For location purposes in Spanish, we view events through the lens of event individuation and grounding. In simple terms, we treat the event as a unique and identifiable entity within a specific time frame or location. In other words, the event is seen as an inherent characteristic/defining aspect anchored to a particular time or place. For example: Hoy es mi cumpleaños y la fiesta es en la casa de mi mejor amiga. La conferencia no es en el centro de eventos del año pasado - es en la universidad. Recuerden que es el 5 de agosto a las 7 PM. In specific situations, estar could be used ironically to convey humor or highlight a contradiction: ¡¿Dónde está la fiesta?! Esto parece un funeral.

Estar with muerto(s)/a(s) and vivo: Vivo is a state that involves the transitional state or process of life and death. Whereas today "estamos vivos," tomorrow we don't know. Regardless, the process involves the use of estar to describe a potential change in state. Hoy estamos vivos, mañana podríamos estar muertos.

Ser or Estar with costs: To ask about price, besides the usual "¿cuánto cuesta?", you can also use the alternative "¿cuánto es?" (“how much is it?”) / "¿cuánto es de … ?" (“how much is it for … ?”) or the more colloquial "¿a cuánto está(n) … ?" (“how much does/do ... cost?). Ser is more common for standard costs at larger stores like Wal-Mart, while estar suits fluctuating prices like in local markets or with street fruit vendors. Note that the expression with estar needs “a” at the beginning. Here are some examples – “¿cuánto es de todo?” (“how much does it all come to?”) “¿a cuánto está el tomate?” (“how much are tomatoes [today]?) “¡el aguacate está a 120 pesos el kilo!”

Estar or Ser with marital status - soltero(s), casada(s), viudo(s), divorciada(s): In Spanish speakers' minds, the most common ways to view marital status are as:

1. Class membership: Treated as a fundamental role and defining characteristic of an individual within society, hence the speaker will be more likely to use ser for considering it as part of their identity.
2. A transitional state: It may be that the speaker views marital status as a temporary or changeable state, leading to the use of estar. 
3. It may also be - plain and simple - that they don't know, or at least are not aware enough to explain to a Spanish learner why the choice was made. This is most Spanish speakers who had never thought about these grammatical choices, or who never knew they represented such a difficulty to learners. The same usually applies to native (type language here) speakers regarding grammatical topics in their own languages.

Here are some examples: 

• Soy felizmente casado desde hace 40 años. 
• Está casada, pero sé que está considerando el divorcio por todo lo que está pasando últimamente. 
• Si es casada, no me interesa entablar una relación amorosa con ella. 
• Estamos solteros y abiertos a una relación. 
• Soy casado, pero ... 👀

How a speaker decides based on or influenced by societal norms, cultural attitudes, individual perspectives, or even personal preference and how these may be linked to psychological states of mind is beyond the scope of this explanation. However, my opinion is choices are also a window to the speaker's mind at the moment, which may not necessarily be easy to identify.

Are there other intricate cases that you would like added to this list? Let me know in the comments.